WILLIAM RUTO SUPPORTERS TO UNDERMINE RAILA ODINGA JUST FOR THE SAKE OF IT by George Porgie the Stig

SUPPORTERS of William Ruto will today launch a concerted effort to destroy the leadership of Raila Odinga whether either of them likes it or not.
  
Despite assurances from James Orengo that there would no repeat of the Ruto-Raila 'soap opera', his supporters said that would be fucking right.


And with the Higher Education minister tipped to leave frontline politics, sources close to him said that wouldn't make any difference because they were totally up for causing all kinds of shit.
A senior ODM MP said: "Ruto's a fucking looney. He's also got a terrible temper and regularly hits his staff with a sock full of coins. What else? Oh yeah, he threw a knife at me. It hit me in the arm and I had to go to hospital but it was all hushed up."
A former cabinet minister who was a close adviser to both Raila and Ruto and had to resign twice before getting a job in China as an ambassador said: "Ruto thinks he's Jesus. Or is that David?
"Is thinking you're Jesus a bad thing? If it is then Ruto actually told me he was Jesus. And then he touched me in the private area. He's not fit to be minister." The source, one of the most senior ODM figures to not know what mukimo is, added: "When Ruto stood up yesterday and urged everyone to support Raila, what he was really saying was, 'if Raila becomes president, you may as well kill yourself'."
A senior ODM backbencher stressed that while the closeness of the contest gives the old pointless rivalry an extra edge, the result really didn't matter, adding: "I can't not do this.
"I got into politics so that I could spread malicious lies about everyone and thwart people at every turn. Half my constituents are child molesters and the rest are PEV  criminals who have been evading income tax for years. I wouldn't help them if there was a gun to my head.
"Meanwhile both of Ruto's sycophants, MPs Simon Mbugua and Joshua Kituny are psychologically flawed and I've always said that they both sleep with the same insane bitch who is simply not up to the job.

"She would make a very good prostitute or perhaps an adviser to a woman who is better qualified to be their mpango wa kando. Such as William Ruto."